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Breakups: Blame and Cause

judgmentalism-snobbery

The actual cause of your break-up is probably not the cause you think it is. There can be many factors leading up to your break-up that you haven’t noticed, even now. The thing is, searching for the ultimate cause is a pointless task – finding the cause is not going to undo what has already been done. Finding out who left the stable door open won’t bring the horse back.

Yes, I would love to have found the cause of my break up and to have found it to have been her fault – if only to feel righteous and absolved of blame; feeling righteous is a way of inflating the ego, not boosting self-esteem. We get a feeling of superiority over the other person but this feeling is unsustainable and is often supported by a desire to be seen as being right by others. Why should we care about what people think? Caring what people think has no sustainable value either. It’s pointless for living your life.

Better than the blaming of either yourself or your partner, is to first become aware that looking for the cause of your break up is a needless internal craving for making yourself feel better; and then to let that craving go. You are then free to take responsibility on how you yourself are going to deal with your own life and relationships now in this moment, since this moment is all we truly have.

Through becoming aware of the present moment and letting go of the desire for blame, you start to let go of caring what others think of you and relax into your true self. Often this awareness is all it takes to provide the feeling you were originally searching for by trying to find the cause of your break up: a feeling of resolution. But rather than a resolution by who was to blame, a resolution by releasing some baggage and taking a step toward self discovery. Your break-up is already history – nothing can be done except by changing your view of it and then allowing yourself to take responsibility for yourself from this moment forward.

Searching for the cause, blaming, looking for redemption? All a waste of time and energy. It’s less about searching for the answer and more about discovering the reason you want it.

{ 2 comments… add one }
  • Jackie June 16, 2016, 10:15 am

    Such truth: It’s less about searching for the answer and more about discovering the reason you want it.

    Thank you

  • cara June 17, 2016, 9:02 am

    Brilliant very thought provoking on how we look at ourselves. Also love Jackie’s comment as well.
    Cara

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